2024

29-12-24 I rehearse with a large ensemble and follow my dad through the hallways of a high school until he says leave me the fuck alone, and the hurt running I do in the opposite direction is quickly caught in increasingly unfamiliar and unwelcoming environs

11-12-24 swimming through the air; becoming enraptured by a music loop that I compose 

6-11-24 picking disposable batteries and plastic beads out of rocky sandy soil; drinking swampy juice out of a large plastic tote to find small gently wiggling root-like organisms growing inside 

1-11-24 I dreamt of hell, and it was … made and unmade by me, not even other people. 

First, I witness a colossal room, possibly endless: my view alternates between a blue sky through a schematic semi-transparent structure from a distance to a black stone interior of small bridges connecting smaller cloisters descending at unfathomable distance to a red molten light. In the latter I feel invulnerable, as in a video game, and I’m greedy for plunder and conquest. Another view arises of likewise interminable fantasies on wood-paneled, tycoon-infested business suites cascading into each other. They’re just sufficiently lit and plant-endowed that their hellishness doesn’t overwhelm my curiosity 

29-10-24 assembling ingredients and supplies to create a child in something like a chicken egg incubator; climbing among warehouse shelves to learn about and evade a military; singing “beet greens are made of thee, who am I to disagree…” as I grab them from the bottom shelf of my dad’s fridge to fry with garlic for flatbread dinner with K at 10:13pm before I arrives at midnight and we drive to Anchorage

25-10-24 running and jumping, perhaps doing a bit of parcoeur, in yet another interior environment of blue and red and purple-illuminated black surfaces, with friends, one of whom may be a femme partner whose energy is indescribable 

 24-9-24 being invited by S, who now has a sister, to join their team with C on a science-related campaign; S wears fake teeth and makes faces at me while occasionally spitting out the teeth along with a few candies, and I smile back in confusion 

18-9-24 traveling in an allcraft with airborne plants in a common area, observing them raining from the short stalks below their nasturtium-like leaf-airlilypads; meeting a man who’d been modified to be able to choose how gravity affects him, being invited to hold onto him as he shifts and wobbling mightily at the novelty 

6-8-24 walking and nimbly riding a trick bike through backstage areas 

?-8-24 time with Antie’s kids while they moved from sad humans to seals to stones and back again 

26-6-24 advocating for greater freedoms of a ceremonial turtle, who thereafter burrowed happily in the sand and rocks on the shore of a subterranean lake 

25-6-24 walking with a certain nervous detachment through social blue and black interior spaces 

22-6-24 B lying on me at right angles, our bodies forming a cross, talking as I absentmindedly play with their buttcheeks: I grinningly apologize and ask how they feel, and they reply "a little bit turned on"

25-5-24 Immediately preceding being awoken this morning I dreamt that I took the fattest of hits from a joint E had just done the same to, whereafter I dropped it in my lap, discovering in my panic that its terpenes had been nearly dripping from the paper and were already solidified: seized by an impulse to hide our precious roach we found a delightful abundance of nooks in a long homey hallway, gently lit with boreal twilight.

8-5-24 A multilevel multipurpose institution is the scene of an emotional tour of myself I seem to take. Unquiet dead occupy the below-ground levels, horrifying and angering me, motivating my mysterious balding guide and I to ascend to further thematic environments. Dreary American medical labyrinths are walked through, oppressive and sunless and yet carrying their stress with integrity as I reckon with my own. My companion is triggered to hostility with me by something on an upper floor, prompting me to react poorly in kind, culminating in an exchange of apologetic sheet music printed on the inside of folding heavy paper displays. We may be greeted warmly by family after this.

More on that: further levels were involved, featuring perhaps dancing and mathematics 

22-4-24 N is the driver in a sequence of memories I rehearse of a successful theft of information from a government agency I work for. The details are largely thematic beyond pleasant views of plant life and a sheltered walkway: I seem to have been too afraid of attention to publish the public-benefiting information we worked hard to steal, so I have memories of guilt to rehearse, leading to awake-making reflections on the integrity responsibilities/requirements of doing work for the public good. 

10-4-24 Facing south in the bright early morning middle of a paved road as people walk north past me, I see S standing before me. She is a man? Anatomy and gendering are irrelevant? I say to myself and uncertain spectators "I get to kiss him after this", and for my absentmindedly entitled narrative the sunny day there disappears. I’m now in hopeless, unlit, and immaterial evasion of a predatory and abstractly feminine entity.

Further exposition: S’s shemon. Why I gotta uphold patriarchy like that? Now I gotta get chased by a protective spirit 

24-3-24 sex with L, pleasantly without orgasm

19-3-24 narrating my fantastical amphibious evolution from something like a gravel-pit-dwelling blob to a mud-dwelling blob 

17-3-24 flipping the menu of an unnecessarily expensive restaurant over and over in the vain hope that I can find a better price; eating a lot of gluten and being nervous about the consequences 

12-3-24 as several different people in sequence, I made my way through a circuit of areas in what became apparent was a detention facility or prison, at intervals fighting with and being subdued by guards. Eventually becoming a group, we may have found a means of escape 

Wandering around and greeting old friends and acquaintances 

10-3-24 mild and engaging conflict 

2-3-24 traveling and perhaps fleeing something with a group of mostly feminish folks through woods; kissing and wrapping a leg around a brown masculish person; having a confusing and potentially out-of-body sexual experience, in which unrecognizable genitalia were slowly moved 

?-2-24 something about my aunt’s kids; reflecting on mortality 

19-2-24 buying/acquiring a Lando Calrissian-style cape in a dungeon of sorts and feeling uncomfortably agential about wearing it; biking in slippery shoulder-season conditions, and having a fellow cyclist comment helpfully on my comportment 

17-1-24 Phil tells me about his recent experience of Jamaican food